You know that look right? When you’re telling them something deep and meaningful…and they have THAT look! That look that tells you that you lost them minutes ago.
That glazed look. You’ve lost them. They’ve checked out!
You get frustrated and angry…”you’re not listening are you?” “I am listening”…”no you’re not”… and off you go into that all too familiar circle of doom.
Men and women are wired differently. That’s a fact! Neuroscientists have proved that. So maybe if you were to find a better way to communicate with each other, you could make giant leaps forward instead of staying stuck in this cycle…which really gets frustrating and quite frankly, boring!
In the meantime what can you do?
- Say calmly – “it’s seems to me that you’re distracted?” Is this a good time to talk?
- Or – If now is not a good time – “I would really like to talk to you about something that is bothering me. When would be a good time to have a chat?”
- Try to ensure that you won’t be interrupted by phones, TV, children, friends etc. There’s nothing worse than getting into a deep and meaningful conversation and your local lib dem knocks on the door!
- Try not to pounce on your partner as soon as they walk in the door from work! Use my ’20 minute post-work’ rule! Wait until your partner has had twenty minutes after walking in the door, to do what helps them relax, i.e. have a shower, snack or eat dinner. A hangry man is not a receptive one!
- If you find it hard to express how you are feeling without getting tongue-tied, then jot down your thoughts first and you can always refer to them. Better that than becoming frustrated with yourself or saying something that could be misconstrued.
- Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. We often think we know what they meant when they said xyz, or when they laughed a certain way, crolled their eyes, or didn’t answer that text within seconds. But the reality is, we cannot and very often do not know why or how they think. More to the point, we are usually wrong and arguements can so easily be avoided if we simply ask for them to clarify or explain their actions or words first.
If you are struggling and would like some help, then try a few sessions with an experienced Relationship Coach who understands language and communication and see how your relationship can benefit.